Say Hello.

Hello,
   Seems like everyone miss their old self. The memories flood in when we read our past. The happy times, having fun, being stupid, falling in love, nothing to worry, nothing to plan ahead or nothing to be afraid. The once innocent, just two years, became who am I now. All those fantasies of being free were bullshit.
   People can really change in such a short time. I still remember I was at college for orientation and surprised by seeing familiar faces around me, and now I'm graduated for three weeks already. Before I go to college, a person warned me about backstabbers. What I thought that time was:" Nah, everyone is so innocent, why would they backstab." After a year or so, what that person said was bullseye. People started to change because of new environment, new people and somewhat "Asshole Mode" was switched on.
   Mine got switched on as well. Obviously is because of the idiotic people I was surrounded. First started by a few people and with a little of sugar and salt, it spread to everyone.  It was drama everyday. Anything can change in a second. As time goes by, I realized. Why are we all so shaken by just letting other people pouring their thoughts to us? Are we that vulnerable to other people's thought?
   Where is the original us? The one that can't be moved easily. Is it because of the whole new surrounding or is it just us that didn't hold upon the old us? Is this what growing up means? If yes, I would like to stay the way I was back two years ago. For wishing I will grow up when I was young was way stupid of me. I should have wish everyone stay the way they are and never change.

//

3 years later, here I am reading my whole blog, lol. Saw this post and decided to publish it now (cause why not :P)  Thanks for reading!

发泄文－－－ 13/4/2014

阿今天开开心心出门去买书
本来正犹豫到底去GP还是QB
最后就决定去N月没去的QB
吃完午餐后
本来想找轮滑场地在哪里 怎么知道找不到哎
男友看到红豆冰档口就说要吃红豆冰

我就说怎么不去外面档口吃要在里面吃

（阿叻怎么好像应该吃红豆冰……）

过后就过mcd冰淇淋档口他就说要吃冰淇凌

（想说他没得吃红豆冰就让他买冰淇淋啦）

我俩就奇怪怎么两位女士站在队伍旁边找着包包

就单纯以为他们不是要买冰淇淋

嘛很自然的就直接站在队伍后面了

（他们根本就是站在我们的后左边）

不久后他俩母女就插队在我们前面

阿不记得那妈的是不是说了什么

我就说要买东西又站到那么旁边

他妈的就翻来后面说什么

》你没有看到人家排队的咩

你他妈的说神马

你他妈的站到那么旁边

我他妈的会知道你妈的要排队买冰淇淋啊

连我男友都不懂你在干吗叻

啊我就好声好气说我不知道你在排队嘛

你妈的就越来越大气说

》我在找钱包不可以吗 还在骂人

你他妈的 我又不是你荷包

我他他妈的怎么知道你在找荷包啊

更他妈的我跟你讲好好的

我讲买东西怎么站到那么旁边而已

我他妈的在骂你吗？？！！

你这个AUNTY

懂不懂什么是骂和讲啊

你真他妈的奇怪

我就真的忍无可忍回你说

》我哪里有骂你 AUNTYYYY
（阿现在想回我怎么能那么好声好气跟这样的AUNTYYY讲话）

我男友就说好料好料

他不出声的话我奉陪到底啊 AUNTYYY

继续和我吵呢包跟你说

AUNTYYY 刚出来GYM就吃冰淇淋

小心肥哦哦哦哦哦哦哦

而且你看起来蛮喜欢粉红色的

AUNTYYY 我介绍你吃BASKIN ROBINS

包你爱上粉红的它
AUNTYYY 不要以为看到年轻人就好欺负
小心我盯上你女儿看你怎么屎
＝ ＝凸

干你妈啥小
弄到我因为你睡不着
本想要睡了 就想到你这个AUNTYYY
让我越想越气
臭AUNTY 幸亏我宝贝人随和
阿不然你真的屎得好难看





睡觉啦啦啦拉啦拉啦啦！！！！


－－－－－－－－－－－－－结篇－－－－－－－－－－－－－

18岁的烦恼

18岁的我
很想为父母做很多东西
可是钱财和能力阻止了我的行动

不懂是否该到日本留学的我
非常舍不得这地方
非常舍不得这班好朋友
非常舍不得这个家

自立什么的，
我真的很质疑自己能不能做到
洗衣服？做菜？打扫？安全？
我想了很多

对，
我能带动队伍
当出了什么错
我会设法去解决


其实
心里
在慌张

高兴的
感动的
紧张的
难过的
可怜的
甚至是
生气的
一点点的小事 我会哭

我能在骂人的半途中
骂到哭
是太气愤
还是太忧愁
我也不晓得

别人以为是我做错的
明明我没做错
我就会哭

朋友们都说我朋友多
真心的那些朋友
真真会为我担心的
真真会为我开心的
真真会为我伤心的
真真会在乎我的
还不就几个

我这个人
脾气不怎么好
态度也不会很优良
又率直，又感性

我这个人
问题多多
很懒惰，爱赖床，
记性不好，得罪人也不知道
被暗恋也不知道.. 哎

我真的很想出国
去感受外地的感觉
去感受一个人在外地
有多有趣
有多寂寞
有多想念

我不想让家人增加负担
我不想连累他们
我不想让他们担心

幼子的我并不成熟
很多事情还是需要家人
协助
带领
关心

学会驾车了
用妈妈的MYVI
MANUAL的
那个CLUTCH不好控制
用这辆车好几次都死火

现在在本地就读学院
说真的我懒得驾车上学
感觉很赶
七早八早就要驾车
车多我怕

我发现到每次驾完车
下车了手冷脚抖
我都不懂怎么回事..
感觉驾车好压力..

坐摩多出门/回家
也被骂/讲

在家里呆着也被骂
说怎么不出门呀

出门了也被骂
说怎么一直出门..

你丫的
到底要我怎样
在家又不对
出门又不对
щ(ಠ益ಠщ)


总的来说
没钱财也烦
没体力也烦
没时间更烦

 (´；ω；`) 

——————————————已结束——————————————


19岁才接回这个文章是怎么一回事 =——=
把这文丢在DRAFT那里怎能对得起自己
可是又懒得接那么多所以..
就快速的结束结局 (*≧m≦*)

Present

College.

It was in my mind since I was in primary school.

I thought myself, what am I going to do when I grow up

Where am I going to study?

Which college am I getting in?

Thought of many selections.

The one that I wanted to enrol most is TOA.

Now I ended up in HCC.

Not the one that I hoped to get in the most.

I always thought I can get in the college I desired

but some miserable thing happened to my family

I hold myself back from entering an expensive one.


HCC.

I didn't knew I have a bunch of friends in the same college as me.

I only knew that on orientation day.

It was hilarious for us that we didn't know we enrolled in the same college.

Weeks passed by and made friends with the other students.

As some of my lectures are the same as IT, I get to know IT's kids too.

They were full of energy, out-going.

Not like me, like to stay at home, in front of the computer.

Not sure is it me or what. I still can't cope with college.

New subjects, new environment, new assignments, shorter deadlines.

These things.

Made a big mess in my life.

Just to rush an assignment

I didn't get much sleep

Or should I say no sleep.

It was a pathetic life that week.

I can't eat well.

What my eat well means I totally can't put the food in my mouth.

Once I put it in my mouth I wanna puke.

So I did not force myself to eat that time.

I got thin so much even my friends and family got shocked.

Don't worry I'm having my food normally after that.

Just that it was hard to make my sleeping time from 5am to become 9pm.

I was so tired that I can sleep at 4pm after class dismiss.

What's worst is that I sleep from 4pm till 11pm.

Then I stay up all night.

It's terrible.

Future.
I can't imagine my work life having no sleep or food.

I can't make sure if I will have a healthy life later on.

I can't make sure if I can live that long.

I'm questioning myself, can I do better when I grow up?

but, when am I growing up?

How do you describe growing up?

I am still slacking off.

Still playing games.

Still being childish.

Still being immature.

I tell myself:

"Grow up already.

Stop crying

Stop complaining

Stop playing around

Start learning

Start being independent

Start be like an adult."

Not sure if I can be a real adult.

An adult that knows plenty of stuff

An adult that can do plenty of things

An adult that accomplish something

An adult that can make something great.

Too many things to think.

Growing up is tired.

The more we grow up

The more we know

The more we lose faith to this society.

When we were kids,

we always think we have time for everything.

Now,

I'm running out of time.

I'm terrified

I'm forlorn

I'm fatigued.

To think that I'm worn out by this age really is frustrating.

I'm too stupid

I'm too dumb

I'm too foolish

I don't know how to confront this sick world.

21/1/2013 辛酸的父母，你懂得的。

上个星期起不懂为何我饿我要吃可是胃就偏偏不给我吃
去做工，中午时间到自然的就是得吃饭了
可是我就是吃不下.. 吃了剩1/3的份就吃不下了
今天更惨.. 吃那几口的经济饭就根本吃不下去了

最开心就是回家，回家吃妈妈煮的自家饭
要我吃两碗饭都可以，有时还三碗呢
没东西是比妈妈煮的饭更健康更美味了

今天一口一口的咬，一口一口的吞
想到自己从来都没有真真的去帮妈妈准备材料
拿起锅铲都不懂要放多少的糖，盐，味精
妈妈会在旁边放，我在那边炒
油炸食物更惨，一放鱼就立刻跑掉了
妈妈就在那边讲：“哎呀！又要煮又要怕油弹上来 以后怎样会煮菜？”
妈妈这句讲得一点也没错

家里没请女佣，家务都是妈妈一个人做
煮饭，清理，洗衣服，晒衣服，收衣服，熨烫衣服之类的
读书时，妈妈不让我坐巴士，都会来回学校的载
中四和中五时，我参与更多的课外活动了
两年都有主席职位，都需要比别人迟一点回

中学时期，妈妈也载一位我朋友回家
1点20分到学校载朋友回
3点30分或5点30分又回来学校载我
有时帮忙老师收拾东西耽误了时间，让妈妈在学校外等我
妈妈有时也会念那几句：“没本事还跟人家做什么主席？以后不载你你就知道！”
妈妈都会很生气地讲，可是没有一次不载我
即使是迟来，也好过没来

职位，课业上和考试的压力，难免脾气也会变得暴躁，态度恶劣
把家人当成了出气筒，十几次的吵架，十几次的痛哭
也一些问题，父母很多次都在争论
大多都关于钱财
多钱也吵，少钱也吵
要不然就是出去吃个东西，在车上吵个架爸爸就说不要吃了就把车驾回家


我并不清楚其他家庭是否有和我一样的问题
但是每次和朋友的家庭在一起时，每次都让我觉得他们的家庭比我更温馨，更幸福
富有或者中等家庭都好，他们都没吵架
吵架也只是想要挑逗对方，并不是想真真的和他们吵

刚才妈妈打了电话来（妈妈和爸爸去了会议）问哥哥回来了没
我说：“还没，有什么事吗？”
妈妈就对我说没有什么紧要的事，是想通知我等下爸爸妈妈会迟点回来
我问他们要去哪里
他就说和朋友去吃饭

今天他自己煮了饭才过去会议
煮饭也是因为想到孩子们做完工了也饿了
怎料3个孩子里只有一个吃饭
其他的都有自己的节目

孩子们有想过吗？我们没还没回家时，父母都会想念着我们
孩子们有想过吗？我们为父母做的一点点小事，他们会很开心
孩子们有想过吗？父母会把小事忘记，是因为他们还记得以前小时候的我们
孩子们有想过吗？父母唠叨我们，也是为了我们好，再怎么唠叨我们都

父母不可能会活到1000岁，也不能一世养活我们
我们真的应该珍惜和父母在一起的每一分每一秒
即使离开父母有多远也应该和父母视频聊天
没有视频聊天，也应该打个电话
有些人只会用嘴讲，并不会动手行动

很多东西，父母比我们更清楚，更懂得怎么处理
他们虽然没有读书了，却比我们更有智慧
父母的记忆力越来越差了，需要我们去提醒他们
要有耐心，爱心及孝心
一点一点的扶持他们，像他们以前一样，扶持小时候的我们

我们年轻疯狂叛逆，父母都会想回以前的自己
那么的年轻，那么的疯狂，那么的叛逆
他们也不想自己的孩子踏回他们所走的错路
绞尽脑汁想办法让我们快乐，不辛苦，不痛苦
简简单单的过着下半辈子

也许他们老了，也许他们不想我们照顾他们，
也许他们安心了，多少个也许，
我真的数不清

这三天写着这一篇
我不懂我流了多少眼泪
眼睛都哭得肿了
想着以后的路没有了父母的陪伴
自己应该会傻乎乎的停在那儿
不懂下一步怎么走下去了

我真的很害怕失去他们
我真的很害怕时间到了
我不能和他们聊天
我不能和他们吃饭
我不能和他们讲笑话
我不能为他们做我想做的事




这篇就写到这里
下一篇我会写关于18岁的烦恼
请大家尽情期待 〈（＿　＿）〉
这几天我真的熬夜倒很厉害
现在已经早上快7点了 我现在就去睡了（┬＿┬）
拜拜 ｍ（＿　＿）ｍ