Present

College.

It was in my mind since I was in primary school.

I thought myself, what am I going to do when I grow up

Where am I going to study?

Which college am I getting in?

Thought of many selections.

The one that I wanted to enrol most is TOA.

Now I ended up in HCC.

Not the one that I hoped to get in the most.

I always thought I can get in the college I desired

but some miserable thing happened to my family

I hold myself back from entering an expensive one.


HCC.

I didn't knew I have a bunch of friends in the same college as me.

I only knew that on orientation day.

It was hilarious for us that we didn't know we enrolled in the same college.

Weeks passed by and made friends with the other students.

As some of my lectures are the same as IT, I get to know IT's kids too.

They were full of energy, out-going.

Not like me, like to stay at home, in front of the computer.

Not sure is it me or what. I still can't cope with college.

New subjects, new environment, new assignments, shorter deadlines.

These things.

Made a big mess in my life.

Just to rush an assignment

I didn't get much sleep

Or should I say no sleep.

It was a pathetic life that week.

I can't eat well.

What my eat well means I totally can't put the food in my mouth.

Once I put it in my mouth I wanna puke.

So I did not force myself to eat that time.

I got thin so much even my friends and family got shocked.

Don't worry I'm having my food normally after that.

Just that it was hard to make my sleeping time from 5am to become 9pm.

I was so tired that I can sleep at 4pm after class dismiss.

What's worst is that I sleep from 4pm till 11pm.

Then I stay up all night.

It's terrible.

Future.
I can't imagine my work life having no sleep or food.

I can't make sure if I will have a healthy life later on.

I can't make sure if I can live that long.

I'm questioning myself, can I do better when I grow up?

but, when am I growing up?

How do you describe growing up?

I am still slacking off.

Still playing games.

Still being childish.

Still being immature.

I tell myself:

"Grow up already.

Stop crying

Stop complaining

Stop playing around

Start learning

Start being independent

Start be like an adult."

Not sure if I can be a real adult.

An adult that knows plenty of stuff

An adult that can do plenty of things

An adult that accomplish something

An adult that can make something great.

Too many things to think.

Growing up is tired.

The more we grow up

The more we know

The more we lose faith to this society.

When we were kids,

we always think we have time for everything.

Now,

I'm running out of time.

I'm terrified

I'm forlorn

I'm fatigued.

To think that I'm worn out by this age really is frustrating.

I'm too stupid

I'm too dumb

I'm too foolish

I don't know how to confront this sick world.

21/1/2013 辛酸的父母，你懂得的。

上个星期起不懂为何我饿我要吃可是胃就偏偏不给我吃
去做工，中午时间到自然的就是得吃饭了
可是我就是吃不下.. 吃了剩1/3的份就吃不下了
今天更惨.. 吃那几口的经济饭就根本吃不下去了

最开心就是回家，回家吃妈妈煮的自家饭
要我吃两碗饭都可以，有时还三碗呢
没东西是比妈妈煮的饭更健康更美味了

今天一口一口的咬，一口一口的吞
想到自己从来都没有真真的去帮妈妈准备材料
拿起锅铲都不懂要放多少的糖，盐，味精
妈妈会在旁边放，我在那边炒
油炸食物更惨，一放鱼就立刻跑掉了
妈妈就在那边讲：“哎呀！又要煮又要怕油弹上来 以后怎样会煮菜？”
妈妈这句讲得一点也没错

家里没请女佣，家务都是妈妈一个人做
煮饭，清理，洗衣服，晒衣服，收衣服，熨烫衣服之类的
读书时，妈妈不让我坐巴士，都会来回学校的载
中四和中五时，我参与更多的课外活动了
两年都有主席职位，都需要比别人迟一点回

中学时期，妈妈也载一位我朋友回家
1点20分到学校载朋友回
3点30分或5点30分又回来学校载我
有时帮忙老师收拾东西耽误了时间，让妈妈在学校外等我
妈妈有时也会念那几句：“没本事还跟人家做什么主席？以后不载你你就知道！”
妈妈都会很生气地讲，可是没有一次不载我
即使是迟来，也好过没来

职位，课业上和考试的压力，难免脾气也会变得暴躁，态度恶劣
把家人当成了出气筒，十几次的吵架，十几次的痛哭
也一些问题，父母很多次都在争论
大多都关于钱财
多钱也吵，少钱也吵
要不然就是出去吃个东西，在车上吵个架爸爸就说不要吃了就把车驾回家


我并不清楚其他家庭是否有和我一样的问题
但是每次和朋友的家庭在一起时，每次都让我觉得他们的家庭比我更温馨，更幸福
富有或者中等家庭都好，他们都没吵架
吵架也只是想要挑逗对方，并不是想真真的和他们吵

刚才妈妈打了电话来（妈妈和爸爸去了会议）问哥哥回来了没
我说：“还没，有什么事吗？”
妈妈就对我说没有什么紧要的事，是想通知我等下爸爸妈妈会迟点回来
我问他们要去哪里
他就说和朋友去吃饭

今天他自己煮了饭才过去会议
煮饭也是因为想到孩子们做完工了也饿了
怎料3个孩子里只有一个吃饭
其他的都有自己的节目

孩子们有想过吗？我们没还没回家时，父母都会想念着我们
孩子们有想过吗？我们为父母做的一点点小事，他们会很开心
孩子们有想过吗？父母会把小事忘记，是因为他们还记得以前小时候的我们
孩子们有想过吗？父母唠叨我们，也是为了我们好，再怎么唠叨我们都

父母不可能会活到1000岁，也不能一世养活我们
我们真的应该珍惜和父母在一起的每一分每一秒
即使离开父母有多远也应该和父母视频聊天
没有视频聊天，也应该打个电话
有些人只会用嘴讲，并不会动手行动

很多东西，父母比我们更清楚，更懂得怎么处理
他们虽然没有读书了，却比我们更有智慧
父母的记忆力越来越差了，需要我们去提醒他们
要有耐心，爱心及孝心
一点一点的扶持他们，像他们以前一样，扶持小时候的我们

我们年轻疯狂叛逆，父母都会想回以前的自己
那么的年轻，那么的疯狂，那么的叛逆
他们也不想自己的孩子踏回他们所走的错路
绞尽脑汁想办法让我们快乐，不辛苦，不痛苦
简简单单的过着下半辈子

也许他们老了，也许他们不想我们照顾他们，
也许他们安心了，多少个也许，
我真的数不清

这三天写着这一篇
我不懂我流了多少眼泪
眼睛都哭得肿了
想着以后的路没有了父母的陪伴
自己应该会傻乎乎的停在那儿
不懂下一步怎么走下去了

我真的很害怕失去他们
我真的很害怕时间到了
我不能和他们聊天
我不能和他们吃饭
我不能和他们讲笑话
我不能为他们做我想做的事




这篇就写到这里
下一篇我会写关于18岁的烦恼
请大家尽情期待 〈（＿　＿）〉
这几天我真的熬夜倒很厉害
现在已经早上快7点了 我现在就去睡了（┬＿┬）
拜拜 ｍ（＿　＿）ｍ

13/1/2013 A brand new year :)

NEW YEARRRRRRR

Damn. 2012 went just too fast for me .__.

High school life ended and was taking my undang test(car law) last last Saturday

I failed ._. I was 4 more questions close to get a 42/50

So I have to retake the test this coming Saturday.

I just can't get Malay language right.

I HATE ITTTTTTTT!!!!!

I should have take the English version TOT
BTW on 31/12/2012 I joined that cosplay event I was talking on 26/12/2012.

I end up cosplay-ing Luka but with a different attire than the picture I posted in that post.

I couldn't find the black vest QAQ

So I just wore a random cloth-like-coat instead of a proper vest :/

Here's the picture!

Megurine Luka ( Mafia Version)

I used the wrong eye make up for Luka ._.

Dang.. But it didn't really looked obvious if I were to be seen not in a close range so I was fine

I got to meet new cosplay friends and bla bla bla :P

It was fun that day! :)